marishkajane

i started another tumblr

2010-11-28T17:11:00.001-08:00

pretty much done with blogger: http://exlibrismarishkajuko.tumblr.com/

i started a tumblr blog

2010-11-13T15:22:00.000-08:00

http://seekingprstatusincanada.tumblr.com/

i don't want to place any blame or anything

2010-10-04T19:28:00.001-07:00

but i feel like telling the tale of the trip to the island wouldn't really sound... objective. but let's not worry about that.

really, my recent visit to the island was a string of comedic blunders.

night before departure, drunken psm tears over disappointment over bad weather. alarm set wrong so awakened hour late in the morning, rush to a bus, then a car, then a ferry.

ferry food. bleh *shiver*.

moseying on a little wander-bout, visiting town of murals and becoming significantly lost in attempt to locate the hosts' home. late arrival.

playing with the dog, playing with the baby. a never ending wine glass resulting in an invitation to stay the night.

getting too drunk to drive home while having an hourly rental car - painful financial consequences. drinking, smoking, vomiting, passing out before dinner was served - after 9p mind.

hang over, bear scouting. porridge of mortar and a steep, brisk hike.

scrum-pey!

departure, forgottens, race against time with a dignified win.

all while unwashed, wearing ratty yoga jammies, accompanied by a wounded bambi, if you will.

[ed note: if i never witness another head bowing bridge squeeze with a side of mournful sigh again, i think i will manage to live another day.]

i suppose i was looking for a break to the boredom, and as my boss best indicated - a good cocktail party story.

great ideas

2010-08-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

donation number 4

2010-07-11T12:06:00.000-07:00

couldn't find a ruler, but this notebook is 9.5" tall, so it'll have to do

i recently sold my ancient digital camera, and this was the best i could do with my phone's camera. still loving the cut and follicular liberation in general.

donating my hair to locks of love

the sad sound of ambulance sirens

2010-07-10T22:41:00.000-07:00

the more i think about it, the less sure i am about how i think people internally react to the sound of sirens. i mostly mean police, fire and ambulance sirens, because those facts of life usually mean unhappy things for those involved. or maybe that's just how it makes me feel. i'm sure some people would say the sound of police sirens sounds threatening to some and comforting to others, depending on perceptions of law enforcement.

well, it might be safer to assume that most people associate the sound of a fire engine's siren with flames and destruction. that or imagining a building-full amount of occupants standing around outside annoyed with the fire drill or malfunctioning detection equipment (because that's what it 90% of the time -- to them). the again, some might associate anything fire-enginey with 9/11, which is also sad. so really, your base-line debbie downer.

ambulance sirens though - those tend to depress me the most. this can be obviously attributable to my dad, as he's a retired paramedic and firefighter. i definitely have a mental database of ways the body can be sickened or injured leading to an array of resulting conditions like miracle healings but usually to a degraded quality of life or just plain old death. my mind's an archive of stories my dad's told over the years, indexed with really specific imagery.

'when the drunk driver t-boned their car, the girl in the passenger seat flew out the window because she wasn't wearing her seat belt. she landed flat on her front, except with her head twisted severely to the side and her neck was broken. when we have to stabilize her and strap her to the board, you just can't make a mistake because you could end of paralyzing the person,' etc.

my dad is a pretty observant guy, so no detail is spared.

anyway, i heard ambulance sirens a minute ago and started to wonder what the emergency was. from the death-detail database, heart attack is a safe bed. 'even though half the time they're running the sirens and speeding to the hospital, the guy's basically already dead.'

so i stood at my window and thought of the sadness that comes with the advent of a heart attack. on such a lovely evening. the sirens sounded like they were in stanley park -- maybe it was a grandpa with his family. or a particularly calamitous bike vs car situation. just something that makes me stop and think, 'so sad.'

but death is a part of life, and it also occurred to me -- if there's any time and place to go, this is as good as it gets:

it's official: i'm dying of boredom

2010-06-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

usually when doctors come back with test results that say, 'you are perfectly healthy,' that's a good thing. i'm not saying that's a bad thing for me, but it's not exactly what i expected.

have been feeling not quite myself the last few months, so went to see the doctor in a shade of paranoia. fetched my results today and the reporting doc said all indicators pointed to 'on track.' and as a recovering grad school student, it goes without saying that my mental health has exponentially raised since graduation.

so if my head is happy, and my heart is healthy -- what the hell is wrong with me?

nope -- too old, focused and complacent for a quarter-life crisis.

i think i just need some hobbies.

i feel the same way about libertarians

2010-06-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

the original blueprints of my parents' house

2010-05-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

see here

rooftop piano man

2010-05-15T18:46:00.000-07:00

thanks for the concert, neighbors!

my alley

2010-05-15T13:33:00.000-07:00

this makes me feel less sure of my sexuality

2010-05-12T20:28:00.000-07:00

see more Celeb Look-A-Likes

i used to have it so bad for jtt. i also really admired jo for dissing blair on the facts of life. now it all makes sense.

da andy rooney show

2010-05-11T20:14:00.001-07:00

Tina Harden protests library books, publicly proves her idiocy

2010-05-10T18:59:00.000-07:00

de aqui

Another day, another library drama.

'ORLANDO, Fla., May 9 (UPI) -- A Florida mother who refused to return four Gossip Girl-inspired library books because of their content returned them after almost 2 years, officials say.

Tina Harden of Longwood, Fla., said she held the books since 2008, keeping them off of library shelves because she found them too racy for teens and because she wanted people made aware of her point of view through media attention, The Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Friday. [Michael Lohan, is that you in disguise?]

"There was a certain amount of good that could come from me holding the books to make a statement, and I felt like that was achieved," said Harden, who has three teenagers [Mission: Be a Huge Bitch - complete!]. "I feel like I had done my part to help focus attention on this." [famewhore much?]

It worked for Harden, who was deluged with requests for interviews. [winnar]

An unofficial OrlandoSentinel.com poll yielded 2,500 responses of which 81 percent said Harden should return the books. [w00t]

Most criticized Harden for censuring what other people's children should read and pointed out books in the public library in Seminole County and elsewhere are public property.

Harden said she hadn't seen the comments and wasn't influenced by them, the Sentinel said.

Harden has not paid the $85 in fines she owes, and said she is hoping the library will waive the fines. [why the fuck would they do that?!]

"It's not that I lost the books or I didn't feel like turning them in," she said. [WTF? she didn't feel like turning them in because she didn't like the content. IDIOT doesn't even understand what she's done] "I want us to work together. Hopefully they have the same goals as I do." [lemme guess, I don't think the library is going to share her point of view]

The library system could [ugh - could should be would here] not forgive the fines, Seminole County library services manager Jane Peterson [#1 classic librarian name] said, but she was glad the books had been returned."'

You may be thinking, "Well, Tina Harden just has a different opinion that you do. Her method of protest may not have been ideal, but we're free to express our opinion." I get that and I agree, but if she's going to protest a library book based on content, she should start with something more graphic -- like the Seminole County library's copy of The Joy of Sex.

And don't forget: A truly great library contains something in it to offend everyone. ~Jo Godwin

source

vancouver's 420 night sky

2010-04-20T21:11:00.000-07:00

balcony dog

2010-04-18T17:19:00.000-07:00

one day, i saw a dog sitting on a balcony of a building next to mine. it just sat there. didn't wag it's tail or anything. i thought it looked sad, so then i thought maybe it got locked out on the balcony by accident (as my cousin did with her cat once), or worse - maybe the dog was serving some kind of time-out for bad behavior. poor puppy.

[i find it amusing that the railing across the dog's eyes make it look like a participant in a doggy protection program. oh - the things this dog has seen! etc.]

a few days later i saw balcony dog again - just sitting quietly, looking around.

i bet the dog just likes the view.

fb says this is too long to be a status update

2010-03-26T19:07:00.000-07:00

just watched critical mass ride down w georgia st into the stanley park causeway, turning a light, quiet traffic flow into a bunged-up nightmare. i work a mile away from home and either walk or take electric buses on a daily basis; i probably spend less than 3 hours a month using gasoline-fueled transportation. i'm all about lifestyles conductive to reducing carbon emissions. vancouver has wide-spread bikelanes, one of the best systems in north america! so what kind of assholery is clogging up major traffic routes during rush hour? i'd be pretty pissed if cars were driving on sidewalks. anyways - THAT'S ENOUGH, HIPSTERS.

vancouver 2010: a local reflects

2010-03-09T21:09:00.001-08:00

[disclaimer: i have no sporting or entertainment event pictures as i was a poor student with an uncertain future when the ticket lotteries started in 2008. also, i didn't see a point in waiting hours in line so that i could gain entrance to provincial/country themed 'houses' where visitors were packed in like sardines and over-charged for drinks and snacks -- granville avenue was the same, but for free.]

upon realizing i would be moving to canada, i thought i would pick up french by osmosis. looking at this sign in thinking about my american friends, i can now admit that i have not only not absorbed any french past 'tabernac!', living in canada has made me a better skimmer. i expect to be confused by product titles on consumer packaging ('wtf do strawberries have to do with fraise-r?'), so when it's in english on the first read it's like getting extra time back in my life. [i estimate i allot myself 30 seconds per day of mistakenly reading french when expecting english. and that shit adds up.]

so everyone lost their shit when it was revealed that the olympic flame cauldron would be kept behind secure fencing. for fuck's sake people -- what do you want? do you want to stand right under the flames and stare up, causing black spots in your vision after you stare with crazed olympic obsession for 20-30 minutes? i ascended the viewing platform, where i took this photo -- that thing was radiating major heat.

and you know that if the cauldron wasn't secured, plenty of idiots from around the world would compete to prove who would get drunk enough to try climbing that thing. burns, on the other hand, would be a nice change from the usual injuries associated with the winter olympics.

lightning round: spot the less-desirable-than-normal spelling!

i sure have a nice walk home from work.

love love love

mountie texting. [or if he's an early-adoptor (for someone 40+) perhaps mountie sexting?]

this has nothing to do with the olympics. it's just a photo of moonrise over my hood.

i think i can count 5 cliches here: moose, maple leaf, o canada, red & white schematic, and the smell of desperation that makes people like my mom write emails saying patronizing things like 'well, i'm glad they won the gold medals in hockey -- since it means so much to them' because canadians know americans tend to forget about canada and canada will not be forgotten!

boxing beaver at the corner of cambie and broadway. is this some kind of hbc symbolism that escapes me because i'm not canadian?

so saskatchewinians come from a bubble eh.

i propose this thing be canada's answer to the peace arch.

proof that this creek is false.

this guy stirred up quite the hub bub. some random lady on the sidewalk told us it was a former canucks player. that is a pretty big deal around these parts.

anything that makes america look less dumb by proxy is always welcome in my book.

whoever decided to put the porta potties on the traffic median at drake and pacific gets an a+ in my book.

yea, mid-february is about a month too early for the cherry blossoms. heck of a show, though.

i was originally drawn to the bizarre space-elvis, but wow -- those tan pants are the real riot.

sometimes i wonder what future generations will make of this sort of thing...

... and these guys...

... and these guys. i know that latinos often share physical characteristics of caucasians -- but these where some seriously white canadian boys. pretty sure those pants are in style in kitsilano right now, too.

i think a local first nation's creation myth is about a whale that crawls up on shore and turns into a bear. in case you were wondering if that was a whale-bear at the top, bingo.

i love teepees. i have a great teepee story that i should share sometime. my store involves leeches and indiana jones, so it's a good one.

the bay, the ever prestigious department store that has descended from the hudson bay company -- the beaver-pelt trading company and founder of canada proper.

stephen colbert was my greatest olympic moment.

i used to do this with christopher

2010-03-03T22:34:00.000-08:00

#19 bus to stanley park @ 6pm

2010-02-16T20:42:00.000-08:00

vancouver olympic torch relay and protest

2010-02-12T15:45:00.000-08:00

riding the bus to work this morning...

oh dear

let's all stand in the middle of the street

oh right, today's the torch relay, right.

| | |

what now?

_____wayssuck.org? could that be segwayssuck.org?

are you saying the olympics is nothing but watersports?

complacency is complicity, eh?

the rich play, the rest pay, eh? yea, welcome to reality.

i love this arthouse longhaired guy on the right, documenting the scene by carrying around his camera still on its tripod so that he can get some raw footage for the crappy docudrama he'll make about the IOC and how it's evil.

i can't call it my 'girlcave'

2010-02-07T17:40:00.000-08:00

isn't that already a euphemism for a vagina? how odd, it appears no one's defined girlcave yet at urbandictionary.com. well anyways, i can't call it my girlcave because it sounds too much like an euphemism for vagina to me.

i was standing out on my balcony watching a hazy winter dusk, thinking about how much i love my new home -- feeling all protective of it. it's my skyhigh zen palace and ain't nobody coming in to mess up this chi. it's private, cozy, and all mine. like a man cave, i thought.

i'm not a man though -- girlcave came to mind. but i'm a grown-ass woman.

maybe i'll just call it home.

my sassy new building

2010-02-06T18:30:00.000-08:00

one morning during my first week at my new place i see this:

general gist of the memo: thanks to the olympics we're going to police the hell out of the parking lot.

response: *dick sketch* 'too much expensive'

january 2010: lost lagoon, stanley park, vancouver, bc, canada, earth

2010-01-30T20:20:00.000-08:00

dainty maid douche bag

2010-01-13T10:16:00.000-08:00

"the only improvement made in douche bags in twenty years."

june 16th, 2009

2009-12-28T15:18:00.000-08:00

reviewing the photos on my memory card from the last 12 months, i found the last picture i took of my childhood pet, christopher, before he died in october. i remember looking at this photo after i just left him again, and thought it was interesting. seeing it again, now that he's gone, it looks like he's already ghosting.

always aspiring to be realistic, i used to think that people being shattered by the death of a pet was a bit much. i can't say every moment of my waking life is distraught misery, because it's not. but spending 6 days at my parents' house, the first time since he died, was quite the emotional mindfuck. it may seem like auto-pilot, but i loved my rituals with my ani-pal. i can't walk into the house from the garage without calling 'krr-ihs-tohffur!' here kitty kitty.

it felt painful to make myself not carry out my cat-call as usual. it sucked. my mind kept filling in his image where he would sit -- center floor of any high-traffic area. my mind would echo his variety of greetings and commentary when timely. any time i let myself call for christopher, it seemed too debbie-downer to ever do again.

music is one of those things that heals the hurts. i have already mentioned a song i love, but listening to it from the perspective of mourning my kitty. i'm the girl, christopher's the he, my parents' house (and christopher's lifelong home) is the meeting place.

all it takes is a peppy 60's-inspired pop-orchestral mid-tempo ballad.

the last shadow puppets: indie baroque pop-rock?

2009-12-21T21:57:00.000-08:00

example, so catchy: meeting place

wikipedia classifies the last shadow puppets' genre as indie rock, baroque pop. good enough for me. i'd classify the last shadow puppets as one of the best surprises of 2009 -- for me. their album the age of understatement came out in 2008.

nevermind -- onto the goods:

the title track starts like some kind of high-energy old west chase -- plucky, driving, epic horns: the age of understatement

catchy, swift: standing next to me

concise sentiment floating in a pool of ethereal goo: the chamber

sounds james bond-y: my mistakes were made for you

an avant-start to creepy punkishness: i don't like you anymore

acoustic-y, gorgeous closer: the time has come again

[it's] in our nature

2009-12-09T21:49:00.000-08:00

i've recognized josé gonzález on the music scene for a few years now, but i never seemed to get into his music. lucky for me, in our nature was the breakthrough album -- even though it's been out for two years. at least it doesn't sound dated.

in our nature

killing for love

time to send someone away

little to no respect

2009-12-07T18:20:00.000-08:00

that's what i have for a blog called one day, paris. a blog written by someone whose ultimate life dream is go travel to paris.

what's wrong with having a dream, you ask? nothing wrong with having a dream, i suppose, but i do know how much time blogging requires. instead of spending that time blogging, how about getting a(nother) job, saving up, and actually making the dream a reality?

also, there are the pitfalls of getting one's hopes up. and paris -- really? i've been there, honey, and let me tell you: it's kinda harsh. and not kinda harsh.

florence and the machine: queen and court of 2009

2009-11-30T20:56:00.001-08:00

i don't care if december is still three hours away -- i'm beating the critics to the punch and declaring the best album of 2009:

lungs by florence and the machine

forget your owl city's and your lykke li's and your passion pits; annoying, boring, cliche. blah blah blah. i've been obsessed with florence and the machine after a mention by none other than p nasty himself.

who wants to read about music -- listen for oneself, right?

song for the work-out mix: dog days are over

epic journey in 4 minutes: rabbit heart (raise it up)

for those of us who love rough housing: kiss with a fist

happily hypnotic: drumming

after my beloved childhood pet died, i asked my ipod to play a song that would make me happier - it did: you've got the love

the most beautiful song that will ever upset p.e.t.a.: bird song

the lyrics drive me completely bonkers. i spent weeks just feeling the sonics before i started to listen to the lyrics i already knew by heart; except i hadn't thought about those words at all.

top it all off with the mega-mix: rabbit heart (raise it up) (jaime t's lionheart mix)

RIP christopher

2009-10-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

may 19, 1993 - october 29, 2009

ripping off starby's one bakery recipe at a time

2009-10-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

[i stole this from yahoo answers; tis delish]

SPICED PUMPKIN BREAD

3 cups sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
3 large eggs
1 16-ounce can solid pack pumpkin
3 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking powder

Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter and flour two 9x5x3-inch loaf pans. Beat sugar and oil in large bowl to blend. Mix in eggs and pumpkin. Sift flour, cloves, cinnamon, nutmeg, baking soda, salt and baking powder into another large bowl. Stir into pumpkin mixture in 2 additions. Mix in walnuts, if desired.

Divide batter equally between prepared pans. Bake until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 1 hour 10 minutes. Transfer to racks and cool 10 minutes. Using sharp knife, cut around edge of loaves. Turn loaves out onto racks and cool completely.

Makes 2 loaves.
Bon Appétit

minor happenstances

2009-10-04T18:32:00.000-07:00

for all the conspiracy theorists out there

2009-10-01T20:59:00.000-07:00

justin bobby

2009-09-28T21:38:00.000-07:00

it's not quite a verb yet, but urban dictionary's definition of

justin bobby does explain the relevant circumstance

[preamble: i'll admit i watched the first season or three of the hills -- an incredible transition in the reality tv realm from mostly real to mostly fiction, posing as reality. that show made several young people into highly paid actors who were playing fictitious accounts of their 'real' lives. what! as viewers, we're required to accept contradictory truths about the main characters. they're famous for playing fake versions of their real lives -- we know it's fake and we looooove it. that's an interesting way for mainstream attention to turn at the end of the first new-millenial decade -- we love fake reality (hello second life). it's the new american dream -- people trying to utilize their persona or circumstance for recognition, status and pay-out.]

scrolling through perez on my reader today i came across a justin bobby post. i haven't watched the hills in ages, but it makes my day to see a justin bobby post every now and again.

the coming insurrection

2009-09-27T16:07:00.000-07:00

one of my online browsing hobbies is pouring over amazon.com's lists of new or bestselling social sciences non-fiction books. i keep a reading list of books i'd like to read some day -- because otherwise as soon as i have no particular book in mind to read, then nothing sounds appealing. take for instance the ending of my first year of grad school -- once i had free time and went browsing at the central library downtown all i ended up checking out were huxley's island and a few parapsychology books that were pretty crap. i didn't flip my reading switch back on until i found canadians, a pretty interesting book about contemporary canada. after that my reading floodgates flew open and i've been a devout bookworm for the last 18 months.

it seems that just reading books isn't enough, as i'm now tediously examining finite sub-categories of social sciences non-fiction for titles to add to my reading list. i justify this minorly obsessive habit by telling myself that, as an avid reader, i know there are plenty of crap books out there -- especially research on nano-contemporary social phenomenons. take for instance the absurd popularity of malcolm gladwell's books right now. [sidenote: i personally judge gladwell's popularity because i'm not impressed with his pop sociology; i think he over-generalizes some pretty subtle things and stamps his interpretation on it to the crowds' delight; i'll be curious to see how his theories hold up over time.] so sociology is the hip non-fic category for this millisecond -- which means the publishing market is churning out more content in that field, interesting concept, research and writing, or not. phenomena flood the market with junk, so it's not too wacky to keep an extensive list of options -- that way, i know that if the book doesn't deliver on the content-front within the first 20%, i don't have to waste my time feeling like i have to suffer through the book out of some kind of reader's responsibility.

now that i've hyper-analyzed my reading strategy, i can explain that i've so thoroughly combed through amazon.com and .ca, as well as many computerized cycles of recommendations based upon my livingsocial.com book profile, i needed a new source for my fix. i turned to bn.com. i thought it would be the exact same as amazon, just with its signature green-theme design. as in the color, not the trendy environmental phase currently enrapturing the western world. i was surprised to find that its classification scheme was different than amazon's; then again, i would think that's interesting due to my status as an information professional.

browsing bn books > non-fiction > political theory & ideology, i came across something called the coming insurrection. what a title! the book description reads:

The Coming Insurrection is an eloquent call to arms arising from the recent waves of social contestation in France and Europe. Written by the anonymous Invisible Committee in the vein of Guy Debord—and with comparable elegance—it has been proclaimed a manual for terrorism by the French government (who recently arrested its alleged authors). One of its members more adequately described the group as "the name given to a collective voice bent on denouncing contemporary cynicism and reality." The Coming Insurrection is a strategic prescription for an emergent war-machine to "spread anarchy and live communism."

looking at the customer reviews section, under the 'good for' heading were the options: book club, gift giving, inspirational, intellectual stimulation, topical conversation. i had a nice lol when i saw that book club got 1/5 stars -- this book is about the coming insurrection, theoretically by the masses, because that's what an insurrection is. the coming insurrection would be a perfect book club item, because the idea is to spread the word of rebellion! so how the hell did it rate only one out of five stars?

i had an even better lol when i looked further down the 'good for' heading to topical conversation, which was rated 4/5 stars. isn't a book club topical conversation? it's the same thing. and yet the completely divergent customer ratings.

hm.

frozen ocean

2009-09-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

not only does facebook make attendance at my upcoming 10 year high school obsolete, it makes me feel like i'm witnessing my 10 year high school reunion every damn time i log on. nothing but peoples' boring vacation pictures, boring wedding and house pictures, boring baby pictures, and delightful puppy and kitten pictures (if my supposed fb 'friend' knows how to take a non-shitty picture, which half of them don't).

for better or worse, i generally know how maybe half my graduating class is doing these days. but due to the fact that i started facebooking five years ago while i was still an undergrad, i never really got that much distance from my high school classmates. it's the general presence of those regulars that make the mia's that much more illustrious.

while walking down my building's stairs and exiting onto the sidewalk, my thoughts leapt from approaching autumn to winter to alaska, snow and icebergs to here down the coast to southern california to frozen ocean.

a little over ten years ago my high school marching band was preparing to take a trip to southern california over the christmas holiday. during a band practice the director explained the trip itinerary included an afternoon at the beach. a plump, blond, simple girl who was new in town from texas raised her hand and asked, 'but if we go in december, won't the ocean be frozen?' the band director looked as though he'd gone slack-jawed and was then pressed between heavy dictionaries with tissue paper. he was an exceptionally thin man to begin with, but his interior rage at the blunt moronic-ness of the question seemed as though he would implode into a fairy twinkle, and then absolute nothingness. taking a moment to collection himself, the director asked for any other questions, invalidating the girl's query by ignoring its existence.

a 15 or 16 year old high school student asking whether the ocean nearest disneyland would be frozen in december would normally be a sign of a failed education system (i did note she had moved from texas), but this was the suburban midwest. as if any high school students anywhere need a reason to pick on others, this girl was already fat and from texas -- it was as if revealing her stupidity was the last straw in the argument of how could you possibly not pick on her?

from then on everyone referred to her as frozen ocean behind her back, at least in the beginning. it seemed so casual that it must have made it back to her at some point. the girl committed a massive social blunder and suffered extensive alientation -- it's one of those things you look back on, now as an adult, and think 'no wonder people end up fucked in the head.'

but that's not the point i'm getting at. even though this girl, this frozen ocean, had the odds stacked against her, she seemed to dig her own grave by thinking, or at least acting, as though her peers were her friends -- her desperation was so sad that no one really shunned her to her face. she seems like exactly the kind of person who would go on fb and friend anyone that was in her high school graduating class, and people would accept her request out of pity, knowing they could hide her from their own fb feeds. it's these aspects of this girl that i haven't seen in over ten years that make her absence from a social networking website so glaringly obvious.

so no, i don't want to attend my upcoming ten year high school reunion -- i want to know what the hell happened to frozen ocean.

watch out, i got a bossy streak

2009-08-26T22:32:00.001-07:00

there's plenty to be said in favor of compromise, but when you know what you want, how can anything else suffice? i feel like walking into that second interview placing my communication stature at a humble level, but also express how much i really want that job and i should really get it.

'i know i'm the best candidate for the job because i can already see exactly what i want to get out of the opportunity.' the ridiculously easy commute and implied healthy salary are just fortunate benefits.

inspiration gone missing

2009-08-25T01:27:00.000-07:00

red alert -- i think the worst has materialized. i've certainly realized it by now.

as those who have lived my recent life along side me, i've maintained a rather extended detachment from traditional milestones and connections. i've been on the run for a while now. i find it exciting and keeps my attention. grad school now means a settled residency, a taboo to my houdini escapades -- but somehow i was directed to an incredibly ideal living situation in what i think of as the best neighborhood on the continent.

thanks for the pointer, universe, loves it.

but holding true to myself, even with this final cashing in of overdue address karma, i'm still skeptical. i guess i've spent the last two weeks floating, but the buzz has diminished. it could have been aided by minor professional, social and familial glitches today. i fell a little bummed, off balance, and generally dissatisfied.

it reminded me of my most recent writing mantra only fools are satisfied. i spent two great weeks as a fool. what a nice rest. but that's really no indicator that i woke up one day cured of cynicism, feeling entirely carefree and was destined to remain that way forever and ever, amen. no, i took my lack of internal peace for a walking meditation around stanley park this afternoon and came to the captain obvious observation of the day: i need some sort of conflict to keep me engaged. when i had those two weeks of bliss, i spent all my free time in the gym, reading, treating myself to elaborate bathing rituals, and watching tv shows on dvd with my roommate.

that's nice, but that's not enough. thanks to that factor, i express my inspiration. it's when my inspiration goes missing that i become concerned.

i'm concerned, but keeping my eyes open. i'm waiting on you, muse. waiting.

devendra banhart

2009-08-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

john mayer is soo 2002. sorry mayer the player, but it's over.

i've found my new all-consuming love affair:

devendra banhart!

feel free to grove to d's lover while you dress him!

neighborhood welcome committee

2009-08-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

guy i eyed

2009-08-15T18:07:00.000-07:00

i saw a good looking guy sitting outside of the grocery store today; i guess i was so taken with his looks i didn't realize that he was homeless and asking for money. he had to be newly homeless, though, because he didn't look all skinny. i thought about the prospect of bringing him home and bathing him, right, but then again i just read a book this summer about crime scene cleaners. one of the parables talked about how a gay man in san francisco brought home a homeless guy, who ended up murdering him and leaving him to rot in the bathtub for a month before the cops were called due to stench. the homeless guy being the murderer, the taking-in-hot-homeless-guys guy being the murderee.

yea... maybe not such a good idea.

then again, isn't it this kind of vague gossip that fuels ignorance and prejudice against disadvantaged populations?

hm.

if this doesn't make your day, you have no soul

2009-08-15T16:41:00.000-07:00

check out the bbc's coverage of a boys' cheerleading squad.

vancouver zombie walk 2009

2009-08-15T16:22:00.000-07:00

j.bo and i were on the 5 going up robson when our electric bus was rocked by brain-hungry zombies -->

i caught the roller blading bummble bee's stinger!; see left.

forget soap, leg on a rope is all the rage.

classic diversion

2009-08-06T22:43:00.000-07:00

life spicing

2009-08-05T22:53:00.000-07:00

i hate it when people ask me why i chose librarianship, because i am not able to discern the inquisitor's sentiments. i don't know if they're asking in order to flatter or degrade the profession. it seems that half the people i talk to think it's cool or interesting, and the other half think being a librarian is stupid, boring, etc. i feel like i'm taking some kind of bait when that question comes up; 'so, why libriaries?'

*shiver*

you'd think not that many people would be opinionated regarding libraries, but maybe my personality and networks are ripe with those who would have an opinion.

or it's just me trying to distance myself from something i both respect, but do also find ever so boring. i've been trying to escape boredom for years, and now i'm settling down (residentially) with a library degree? jeez, no wonder i'm not exactly meeting the most exciting new people -- who's dying to meet a librarian?

i mean no offense to my professional peers and colleagues, but clearly i'm not feeling ready to be a grown up because i'm embarrassed at possibly bearing a boring life in the name of life security and stability. when i usually become this bored, it's when i up and go somewhere new where everything is a new challenge i can immerse myself in everything. i'm finding the only challenge of stability is simply having patience for it's inane tedium.

that's why i'm moving across town, to spice life up a little.

ultimate frisbee

2009-08-05T22:47:00.000-07:00

here's something i don't understand about vancouver & west coast life in general: ultimate frisbee. watching an evening adult league, i'm sure there are probably a few asians in there, but it mostly looks like a bunch of white people and reminds me of the 'stuff white people like' blog. i'm not even stoned and this is the dumbest game to watch, ever.

erectos?

2009-08-05T15:21:00.000-07:00

your wtf of the day regards male swimwear. NSFW/NSFL

it's... malignant

2009-08-05T12:02:00.000-07:00

*this is not some sort of hint that i have cancer, because i don't; this was the only example of peewee's secret word of the day i could find on youtube.

hood

2009-08-04T23:22:00.000-07:00

i only put my hood up in the park at night to prevent the mosquitos from biting my back of my damn red (sunburned) neck. i'm the only person that could get a red neck at a gay pride parade.

vancouver pride 2009

2009-08-02T18:07:00.001-07:00

lightning round: spot the strap-on!

welcome, august

2009-08-01T23:15:00.000-07:00

vancouver's annual celebration of light, from atop robson.

maybe my friend is right

2009-08-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

maybe that sushi place does indeed have its off days. a week ago i got sushi to go at the so so place, but i think the avocado went a bit skanky during the bus ride home. not a happy stomach with that one.

coming home from work this afternoon, i decided to stop at the better sushi place and dine-in. sat in the aircon, no less. still, perturbed stomach.

it's like my ulcer days all over again, exactly 365 days later.

it's like a hand grenade fight

2009-07-31T20:28:00.000-07:00

hey -- you're just in time to check out the monster dramz between my landlord and me. take a look:

Oh dear *****,

As you clearly do not recall, when my first contract expired in April 2008, I asked you for a contact to cover the summer months. As a foreigner in this country, I think it's in my best interest to have as much legal documentation as possible -- including where I've resided while I've been here. But you said it was no big deal. So my last contractually binding day as your tenant was April 30, 2009. This is something I have not forgot for a single day since I asked you for a summer contact last year, and it's why I am willing to pay for my incremental time remaining here, but I'm not under contract to give you an official notice and pay for all of August. Sorry, but that's the facts.

This is why I had been telling you about my intentions to move since I returned to Vancouver around June 24th. I said end of July, August for certain. I kept you updated of my progress and intentions -- this is not out of the blue. Then after our encounter this week you made it clear you wanted me to leave -- and I understood that as "asap" because I was otherwise constantly telling you I was moving out. I'm doing you a favor by leaving and offering you an honest rent when I am not actually under contract to pay you anything.

Furthermore, this hurts my feelings because I know you're not asking for the August rent out of a real need to supplement your income -- fdfdsdsfs if you really were on a tight budget, you would have had that 3rd room rented out for May 1st (and it would have been completely possible if you tried). Last summer when Peter left and you and I worked together to fill the vacany, I assume it was urgent, a vital part of your living budget. But when I asked as such, you said that no, you weren't as concerned about the money as finding the right tenant for a happy home.

On the other hand I can completely understand that two vacant rooms is a much more significant issue than one, financially -- I don't blame you. I had asked for an extended contract because agreements are worked out for both parties' best interests. I feel that I've been doing as much as I can to be completely transparent with you. Additionally, I really liked living in your home because you were really committed to building a happy home; since this is no longer a happy home (as you said, you feel "indifferent" about me these days), I feel that I'm making the best choice for all of us in me leaving quickly -- sure you may want the rent money, but nothing will be resolved while I'm still living here.

I'm finding this kind of funny in that I think we are each convinced of our own logic, and we think each other is a little bonkers -- sometimes that happens! I still think you're a cool guy ****-- it's too bad things had to turn out like this.

- Me

a sense of drama

2009-07-27T16:38:00.001-07:00

i can't take credit for this one, for i stole it from weather.ca

two years on the west coast and one of my two home-sickness points has been my longing for a badass thunderstorm. (the other home-sickness point, if you are so curious, is missing my childhood pet christopher the cat, who is still spending his late teens at my parent's house, no doubt spread eagle in front of the fake fireplace). in the naivete of my youth i thought thunderstorms were a joy everyone, everywhere experiences. alas, no. i only recall one inkling of a storm while i lived in vienna, nothing but fog and bus fumes in london, one hell of a typhoon in hangzhou (or as i like to think of it, the wettest tornado ever), and my time spent in peru was during their dry winter season.

two years in vancouver and nothing more potent than some wind and rain. boring, lame.

[also of note, some bank throws a fireworks contest in the latter half of july here in vancouver's english bay -- three competing countries vying for the big win. last year the countries represented were canada, usa and china, the program schedule is wednesday, saturday, wednesday, and a big finale on the last saturday. last year the finale fell on my birthday eve and i attended a fantastic party. i don't know who the judges are, but canada won the main honor, china won the peoples' choice (huh DUH) and america's production was some kind of sentimental fairy-ballet bs, which is counter-intuitive considering america is the country known for a penchant to blow shit up, right?]

anyways, saturday night was the second night in the series, so people are generally abuzz with 'and where are you going to watch the fireworks?' i mean, considering the bus system here is barely adequate to shuttle us broke-ass chumps around town day to day, all of a sudden everyone wants to ride the bus to avoid parking and traffic. so really, it's a big old clusterfuck. while the fireworks finale last year ended around 10:30pm i didn't make it to the bus stop until 1am, but the bus was still a zoo -- drunk middle aged gay guys grabbing each other's asses and all. (watching drunk people try to pick each other up on the bus is irritating, especially when everyone's crammed in there within an inch of our lives -- but then again if that sole ass grab was all it took to get some, uh, ass, then i am actually kind of impressed -- maybe i should try resurrecting the goose? or not.)

back to my point, which was that instead of fighting the masses for a seat to last saturday's show, i went to my friends' place. we were all minding out business, watching russell peter's red, white and brown (highly recommendable) when the lightning started. my friends live in a high rise in ubc's village (this means the very western edge of vancouver, where you can overlook the georgia straight and keep an eye on the mountains on vancouver island) and we got one hell of a lightning and thunderstorm show.

word on the street the next day was nothing but 'that storm was better than any fireworks show.' well, my point exactly. this is one of my tiny issues with west coast living: it's easy, not interesting. i got the hell out of minnesota in part thanks to the toll the interesting weather there takes on daily life, year in, year out.

but i have to admit, i kind of like the drama. and that's when i got to thinking -- crazy awesome storms happen when hot and cold fronts meet. you need a clash to get action sometimes, you know? get some of that romans vs christians, union vs confederate, cats vs dogs kinda sparring going on. that's what i'm talking about:

dear bc,
could you please spice things up with a little drama now and again? thanks.
love,
mary

maybe i finally nailed down what bothers me about vancouver from time to time; the on-going sameness. you can't brew a good storm when the weather hardly changes. you don't get good drama when everyone's sitting in a big circle holding hands and singing kumbaya, which just happens to be the definition of vancouver, british columbia, canada.

i keed, i keed.

then again, the thunderstorm brought in a big wave of balmy weather, so all the locals are whining about the heat. 'ohmigaw you guys, i'm sweating outside and i'm not even rollerblading!' i just tell the locals that at home, 'in the prairies, we just say it's hot as a crotch.'

also, i brought a 2L jug of hard apple cider to my friends' place, and they insisted i take the remains home. so i stood at the bus stop downing the last of it, and i took this picture because i thought it was pretty. drunk, clearly.

christopher, 1997

2009-07-24T17:58:00.000-07:00

cigarettes, puppies and handgrenades

2009-07-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

you know you've had a rough day when you go to the service counter at the grocery store to buy a lighter and end up getting the cheapest pack of light cigarettes they sell. i know they were the cheapest, because instead of asking for a certain brand (as a general non-smoker i really don't have any brand dedication) i just asked 'what's the cheapest light cigarettes you have?' the check-out girl was trying to tell me that although they were cheap, the whatever level that determines how light or not light was not that low.

um, these cigarettes are clearly an impulse purchase, so i don't really care about just how 'light' they are.

guess it's a good thing safeway doesn't sell puppies or hand grenades because i'm pretty sure those are things i also don't need, but would potentially buy on impulse from time to time, like cigarettes. [ok, sure i love animals and would like to have a pet, right, but per the hand grenades -- sometimes drivers royally piss me off when they don't yield to me in a pedestrian crosswalk, and i always wish that i had an egg or two in my pocket to throw at the car, but they're so fragile and messy, you know? at least with a hand grenade you have to pull the pin before anything happens.]

sigh.

vancouver-g.o.b.

2009-07-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

god what is with people in this city? as i was walking home this evening, i realized that that guy at work who looked so familiar today looks like g.o.b.! he's got that will arnett forehead, that smirk, and an unusually grovely voice for someone who doesn't appear to be a smoker. [sidenote: i find that grovely voice attractive on men for the most part even though i totally picture them as having straight up gizzards in their throat. freud say wha?]

anyways, this g.o.b.ish guy is in the office commenting on my veggie samosas lunch, started bragging about all his traveling. i know i'm the jealous type, but really this guy was just country name dropping for the fuck of it -- cities in india i've never heard of, all ending in -pour. '___pour, ____pour, ___pour -- they're all pours... haha, well poor yea...'

if that weren't enough, he went on a se asia spree 'china, taiwan, vietnam, cambodia, malaysia, we were gonna go to indonesia but blah blah wank wank,' ugh. i mentioned something about living in china and he was all, 'whoa! did you learn mandarian?' i'm glad i'm a grown woman now, because i now know how to give the slightest of slights in an icy eye shrug.

dude... you ain't know shit about the shit i know. i was 23 and just trying to survive against something i felt an anti-intuitive existence in. [damn, there i go again with those prepositioning-ending sentences.] i was trying to navigate a place where the only sense of logic i had failed each and every time. that's pretty disorienting, when all your social constructs go up in flames over and over again, every fucking day.

social construct 1: humans are sentient being who deserve to be treated with respect. -- nope!

social construct 2: even through some humans may appear very different on the outside, we're all still human on the side. -- nope!

social construct 3: treat others with respect. -- nope!

social construct 4: honesty is the best policy. -- not after you read this!

so... what was i talking about? china, vancouver-g.o.b., mandarin -- ah yes, the reason i didn't learn mandarin is because i only stayed for 75 days citing cultural aspect i couldn't adapt to. this is where vancouver-g.o.b. turns his desk chair to face me, puts his feet flat on the floor and his elbows on his knees, leans in -- as if he were seat-belted to the chair but he's ready to box. he says, 'not to be racist, but they have no culture -- they just push and shove each other, it's really barbaric.'

so that makes about the 47th native bc'er who's pre-empted a racist comment with 'not to be/sound like a racist, but...' it makes me wonder if these people think i look like i agree with them? oh dear. i responded, 'it's not lack of culture, it's just their culture.'

didn't we all learn in kindergarten that just because something is different doesn't make it better or worse? just because a foreign culture does something your personal culture doesn't like, that doesn't mean that foreign culture is inferior, lacking or somehow downgraded. aren't we all supposed to know that by now? or maybe this vancouver-g.o.b. is older than i think he is, and it's some kind of generational thing? he's probably thinking he's no where near as racist as his parents, and that you know, wink nudge, as white people, this is how we really think of *them*.

i said, 'no, it just works for them, and i decided if i couldn't do things on their terms, then that was my problem. and it's not a judgement on their culture but a rather dramatic self-actualization.' [23 is a pretty ripe age for those wondrously narcissistic self-actualizations, and believe me, i relished mine.]

oh vancouver-g.o.b., i can just picture you trotting along to your local starbucks on the weekend wearing linen draw-string pants and d&g sunglasses perched on your head, thinking about all the -pour places you've been and how happy you feel to live in such a 'well-cultured' place. congrats on your placement in the that guy hall of fame.

giving you the fistshake, stephanie meyer

2009-07-20T18:56:00.000-07:00

twilight gossip makes me feel old. what happened to head-shaving britney and the golden era of internet gossip? now all my internet gossip sites are flooded with this r-patz/k-stew bullshit.

honestly, i miss the bennifer days.

modern bohemia

2009-07-18T22:58:00.000-07:00

so i added this tag modern bohemia -- the golden age of the hipster. not that i'm one, because literally sitting here writing a blog on a macbook wearing an american apparel hoodie could not make me any more exactly like everyone else. i'm not a hipster, i'm as mainstream as possible. it's like hipsters are the new bohemians, but that thought is so terribly cliche that now it's ironic, which makes it cool.

right?

ah fuck it, i'd take a hipster over an uggs-wearing label-whore most days.

great dane

2009-07-18T22:51:00.000-07:00

i met a most exquisitely gorgeous young dane today. maybe he was a model, or is one. or he should be. how could he have not been scouted out by now? this kid needs and agent -- i'll be his agent. he would be the easiest sell.

'great dane here for ya -- dewey and sculpted -- hell of a smile!'

the best part is, he's a yogi living in a modern urban cave (aka closet). i don't think i could ever be that authentic.

finding my pimp

2009-07-14T23:18:00.001-07:00

going to the recruiter tomorrow because i need a professional introduction. powerful, successful organizations have the power using money to buy professional talent. i dont care if i have to sign up with some sort of professional pimp who's going to match me with the best john there is -- it's just another way of professional networking. yea, if a company is going to spend their own time and resources for new hires, they're not going to have that much money to pay you [you = me]. organizations that can contract out do so because they have the money to do it -- and to pay me.

this is what i need to tell myself in order to muster the dignity to walk into a temp agency because doing so feels so shameful! shameful! shameful!

love you scotty b

2009-07-14T22:57:00.000-07:00

i love it when i feel like my life's suddenly an episode of quantum leap.

'who am i?! why am i here?! what's going on?!'

but it's like quantum leaping into groundhog day because every day is the same old bs.

representing all white men

2009-07-13T23:00:00.001-07:00

so i just finished reading a book called gringo by chesa boudin (he dated nat portman, oh my), and i can't help but think of what a ridiculously anglo-franco mash-up name chesa boudin is. chesa sounding like some cockney knock off of chaz, meaning charles to the rest of us. the any name with the _ou_i_ structure looks french to me (and then i start humming faux du fa fa, because fotc really knows how us anglophones think of the french language). it's as though boudin's parents tried to think up the whitest name possible -- and succeeded.

even though he does try to highlight the plight of mothers and children living in poverty, his exploration of the topic is understandably y-chromosomed. i know it was meant to be in a memoir format, but his brief tales of girlfriends and relationships sounds kind of cringey when he recounts how sexy one was the first time he met her (on an amazonian ferry boat). his whole stance on 'i care about the plight of mothers, children and families -- but i have no problem biting off a sexy bit for myself' gives me a case of the eye-rolls. i guess i doubt his altruism when he apparently feels entitled to personally gain from his devotion to the cause. i mean, if that's how he feels -- fine, whatever -- but your attempt to weave ideological and emotional threads came out more tacky than humble.

i think this book is a modest start, and there's more to be expected of him. i think he can do better, get into it deeper, or at least express that personal aspect of his experiences. the politics are so tactical, onerous roll-calls of attendance, accounting for time... even though he does his best to leave an update of all in his narrative subjects at the end, his conclusion comes to the non-conclusive statement that this is just the beginning of what's happening politically in south america -- how this will develop will be seen only with time. he doesn't lead us, he doesn't give us a final thought.

there's something a bit douchey about the whole 'i'm a white guy but look, i can travel just like the locals! blah blah blah!' yea, we bet it sucks, but stop acting like such a war hero about it. yes, i've used rather dangerous public transit in my travels, but i do tend to take costlier options if they're genuinely safer. some ways of getting around are pretty damn dangerous and it's a bit foolish to play martyr about transit if you don't have to. you're supposed to use whatever you can to self-preserve, that's one of those key instincts, you know?

for instance, when i was traveling in peru, we were in a combi (van) driving rather fast (50 mph) down a valley road, lit only by mediocre headlights. we nearly t-boned a hugh truck hauling large boulders that seemed to be just sitting in the middle of the road. luckily i was in a situation where my transportation was on the safer end of the spectrum and we didn't crash. but i was in a bench seat with no seat belt, and i slammed into the seat in front of me. had i been in a less secure transport vehicle, i could have been in a multi-fatality crash.

and how are you going to help people if you're dead? yes, be with the people, know what they experience, but remember what you're there to do as well.

getting back to the point of boudin lacking a conclusion, we want to be lead -- bait us! people love a little gossip, your speculation is welcome.

it's not that i'm really a hater, because boudin's book is quite herculean task he's already pulled off. you can tell he's a rather bright guy, but his narratives are saturated with his issues (like the rest of us). then again, that's interesting because it's not every day i get to look at the world through the eyes of someone who repeatedly refers to himself as politically radical. sometimes it's those at the extreme ends that you find the saddest ideologies, these passionate idealists. is it just me, or do those types seem to always have one eye looking in the mirror? or maybe i'm just that bitter. well, the guy is doing what he believes, and that's better than a lot of us as is.

maybe it's more that i envy him having a book actually written. god knows i have the material, and enough people have made that suggestion, and yet i tell myself that i don't know where to begin, so i don't. sigh.

maybe i'm really just a bitchy gay guy on the inside

2009-07-13T00:21:00.000-07:00

it's true

2009-07-10T22:51:00.000-07:00

overheard in the park, a young man and young lady walking in the park.

young lady: 'so i was reading this book stuff white people like, and one of the things that white people like was having difficult relationships and boring their friends with all the details.'

i really did laugh out loud.

i'd watch that

2009-07-08T23:18:00.001-07:00

"The Facebook movie should be shot in cheapo 8mm for the first twenty minutes. This part should be watched in a dorm room with ten or so of your closest college buddies. Then the flick gradually increases in film quality and deteriorates in originality until it is simply 3D Imax explosions with Mark Zuckerberg fighting Nazi dominatrices atop Optimus Prime's cock, whose sides sport ads for J-Date and Gossip Girl. By this time you've been transported (how'd that happen?) to a megaplex surrounded by goobers you haven't seen since high school and their three kids apiece, chugging beer bongs and passing around flyers for inane fundraisers/church events."

source

the whole abortion thing

2009-07-08T18:56:00.000-07:00

i'm a pro-choicer, sure. some pro-choicers don't want to be called 'pro-abortionists' or are offended by the term, because they want to stress the importance of having a choice either way, regardless of whether the verdict is to abort or keep a fetus.

i don't think i'm put off by the term pro-abortionist, at least for what it means to me. maybe i'd be annoyed at being called a pro-abortionist by someone who was using it as a derogatory statement, implying all sorts of immorality and whatnot. actually, nah, i wouldn't be offended if someone called me a pro-abortionist, because i think i am.

if you look at the reality of the world today, our planet is overcrowded as it is. there is zero need for more human beings. so what if all procreation were to cease from today on, why... the human race would die out, right? well, with 6 billion some people on the planet, it would be impossible to stop procreation. it's going on all the time.

now, let's think about who these people are, where they live, and their circumstances. very very vaguely, the industrial, or as we like to call ourselves the developed world, are a minority population that uses a majority of the planet's natural (and well frankly, unnatural) resources. that tends to be enough of a visual to me -- we want to contribute more people to this scenario?

well, that's rather self-righteous. that gets me thinking about the whole religious bent of the anti-choice movement, which is often based on religious belief -- life is a sacred gift from god. yea yea. that whole aspect annoys the living shit out of me, which is why i'll just move along.

so here's my compromise -- i really do think that people who want to raise children should do so, and hopefully they will have the ability and resources to do so. my hang-up is why spawn a biological one when there are literally millions of orphans around the world in need of happy, stable, loving homes.

that's the idealist's answer, isn't it -- adopt, so easy! i understand adoption is not an easy process, oftentimes especially difficult in regions or countries around the world that have very strict adoption policies to protect children from trafficking. i know that angelina jolie or madonna might make adopting children from poor countries look like some sort of celebrity cliche, but i really think they're onto something.

which touches on another point that comes to mind when people want to go the bio-way for child rearing -- i just don't think these hopeful parents have much (or any) of a grasp on the world situation. i think bio-parenting reminds me how happy and willing people are to stay in their little bubble and act like there's no injustice to the world, act as though they don't see the injustice they're contributing to. which circles back to the green planet issue of 'we're rich and wasteful while poor people are suffering' -- popping out another human into a wasteful consumer society... eh, not so good. the flip side is adopting a child in need of a home/parents/stable life from a poor country means bringing them home to this wasteful consumer culture anyways... i'd say there's no answer to that, except that answer is:

we need less people on this planet, not more. how about we let go of the ego and embrace the universal whole?

new zealand air

2009-07-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

non-smokers

2009-06-14T21:09:00.001-07:00

sometimes i'm jealous of non-smokers. some of them act as though smoking were the worst committable action possible. to me, if smoking is the worst thing ever to these people, then they must be leading lives that are lacking complexity, or thereabouts. i don't want to call their lives 'pain free' as i think it would be unwise to whine about feeling the pains of life as we really all have them to some extent, but if smoking is the worst thing ever... then that must be a nice life in a nice world for those people.

sometimes allowing myself a cigarette is a nice reminder that things could be worse...

the cunty side of town

2009-05-10T17:22:00.001-07:00

that's where i live. the avenues of top dollar realty perched hillside looking over the kitsilano basin, sprigs of downtown high-rises -- and the mountains, of course. i can gander at that about two blocks east of my house, and it was especially nice about a year and a half ago when there was a big gap in the block. there's some big minimalist-meets-nature vanoc-aesthetic house there now.

while i can't afford to buy one of these houses, i keep up with my joneses in the glorified traffic medium that is supposed to be a park. there's no sign declaring the name of the park, but i figure if it has benches, it's good enough for me. me and my buds.

while out smoking on one of those benches, some college aged guys drove up, parked, seized the other park bench and started enjoying their buds as well.

then some lady emerges from one of the swanky houses and yells, 'hey boys, could you take that somewhere else? you know that kids play at this park,' etc. well, isn't that funny, i'd been sitting there smoking for a good 10 minutes, but those poor saps had hardly warmed up their lighters. caught by surprise, and exceptionally vancouver-ish about it all, they started apologizing, one saying that he grew up in the neighborhood and just liked to come back and hang out.

'well, take it somewhere else, we don't want your problems around here.'

hold on a second. there were zero children in the park -- but three adults. it was in the clear of daylight. there was hardly any noise and no commotion at all -- what does this lady think stoners do? there were no transactions going on -- in fact, that whole scene was mostly quiet sitting. how does that turn into 'we don't want your problems around here?'

what problem is that -- my graduate level education? my interest in social justice? my daily meditations?

sigh

marishka's no longer in china

2009-05-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

nor minnesota, nor peru. some of you have been wondering where marishka in china aka not all those who wander are lost aka marishka in lotusland (+infinity identities) went. well, i'm pretty sure all that content is floating around in the same servers they've always been floating around... in (damn, i tried to not end that sentence with a preposition, and i did it twice over -- doh). sorry gang, but i had to put all that content away because of the following equation:

3 years + over 500 posts = embarrassment.

also, some writers consider their content ever the works in progress, always subject to change. well, i write off the cuff, so when i look back at what i've written, my desire to edit usually falls along the lines of destroy and deny! i never did/thought/wrote that... *shudder*

maybe it's significant i've decided to write without the context of transient location. am i home now?